my legacy?

i keep thinking about my age. don`t know what i am thinking about it....but i do.
at my age..i don`t know..maybe one should have more to show for all the years one has been on this planet. once again...don`t ask me what is is i should be showing....but i sometmes get the feeling that i am not showing all the things a 51 year old fat bald jew in sweden should be showing.
beginning to see..i will not realize some of the dreams i once had. beginning to think that maybe they weren`t so realizable to begin with
maybe part of existing isn`t realizing dreams and ideas...maybe it`s enough if we dream the dreams and leave them to the next person
here are a couple of my more unrealizable dreams. i still don`t know if they are ridiculous or noble prize winning dreams
of course as you all know by now....i realized my greatest dream
i wake up every morning next to my baba
but alas
i don`t think i will ever get my book written
had one book idea i worked for years dreaming about and doing nothing to realize
i gotta google and see if it`s been done
i still wanna write the great leper cultural bible and cook book
the idea of leper colonies has always fascinated me
what did they do there as they watched their body parts falling off?
i cannot imagine a culture without an oral history...unless noone there has any lips of course
but what kind of stories did they tell one another at bedtime?
when they had parties...what kind of food did they eat? what songs did they sing?
it`s raining outside today
i am listening to john berberian and the middle eastern ensemble playing some of the cooolest middle eastern rock i have ever heard
and i feel like being silly